On becoming a poet

Message in a Bottle

On Tuesdays my neighbors

place secrets in their recycle bins

and I read their messages to me

on my daily walk.

Five sixpacks of Shiner Bock

(I guess the Aggies won)

Case of wine bottles

(Tom says red is good for the heart)

Eight bottles Clorox

(Passed inspection at their Donut franchise)

Pool chemicals

(Spring break staycation this year)

Huggies Newborn

(Number four, and so soon, she looks tired)

Depends size large

(Hope that they got all of Joe’s cancer)

Used Motor Oil

(If he’s so handy, why does he murder the crepe myrtles?)

Three containers Little Friskies

(I wish she’d stop feeding feral cats)

Three containers Tidy Cat

(Since she let them move in, maybe she’ll neuter them)

Bin of 1989 Vogue Magazines

(Hoarders Anonymous tip paid off)

Seven liters Caffeine Free Diet Coke

(No caffeine, no sugar, no flavor…what’s to be addicted to?)

Topped off with Gator Aide

(Stud muffin will be hitting me up for MS150)

Overflowing with Evian

(First the teardown and now water snobs too)

Large appliance box

(Don’t see the energy star rating, are they even thinking?)

Bag of paper bags

(Sue really should be using cloth)

Weed and Feed

(I’ll be drinking that stuff in our water next year)

Two household garbage bins, no recycle bin

(Doesn’t believe in global warming either)

Styrofoam peanuts

(Any idiot knows you can’t recycle these, and tomorrow they’ll be all over the street!)

Today the city delivered

big rolling recycle bins

with lids to keep the paper dry

and recycling in Sunny Valley will skyrocket

but I’ll miss my weekly bulletins.

PS  I also compost.

First Day Out

Today, when I walked Daisy, there were two major firsts.

One: I wore closed-toe shoes, my first time since January 17th, that fateful Sunday when I decided to trim an ingrown toenail. A week later my neighbor nurse looked at it and recommended I go to the doctor. There were antibiotics followed by a podiatrist, followed by a month in sandals, in the winter. During that time I walked the streets of New York in the winter and California in the rain, where the many-years-old pair of sandals that I could wear socks with finally came unglued.

I have laughed sometimes about wanting to amputate my leg at the knee when my knee hurts, but now I know for sure, I don’t want to do that. I need and appreciate both my legs and both my feet.

Thank you Lord for closed toed shoes and warms socks in the wintertime.

Two: I am no longer stalking people when I walk.

I developed a huge case of sidewalk envy as I walked Daisy in the neighborhoods near me, neighborhoods that had the smarts to sign petitions ten years ago asking the city for new streets and sidewalks. My neighborhood started a petition last year, and when I inquired about it, I found that out of 16 blocks, only 3 were signed up. So, I did what any compulsive retiree would do, I volunteered to finish the job. I didn’t know at the time that I was going to trim my ingrown toenail and do the job in sandals in the winter.

I also didn’t know I had stalker tendencies. When I got close to the number of petitions I needed on a block, I began to stalk the remaining owners. On every errand I ran, I drove by, looking for a change, a sign of life, a curtain open, a different car in the driveway, mail taken in that had been outside the day before, a garbage can taken in on trash day. I became fearless. I stopped them in their driveways, followed them into their garages.

I was so taken aback by my boldness that I inquired if the Civic Club had insurance that would post bond when I ended up in stalkers jail. My Civic Club contact responded that if I was arrested, she would bake me a cake with a saw inside of it. Good to know.

I’ve lived here thirty years, most of the time leaving early and coming home late, knowing a few people on my street and the faces of those who walk their dogs. I have never once attended a regular meeting of the Civic Club. But now I know everything. I know where to go for the smell of Indian curry cooking on a Saturday afternoon, and I know where the boogey man lives. I know who replaced their front doors with leaded glass, and where if I knocked too hard, my hand might go through the door. I know if the occupants are half-full or half-empty. I know this by whether they thanked me for circulating the petition and maybe even offered to help, or complained that it was going to take too long and they might move before then. I know who is dying of cancer, has a bad back, is talking care of a mother who just fell and broke a hip. I know where all the dogs live, and the children, and the little ladies who wouldn’t come to the door but would call me if I left them a note. I know that I live in a melting pot of many races, and I like that. And I know that almost all of them will still open the door to a stranger who says, “I’m your neighbor.” And I like that too.

Yesterday when I opened the mail, I received the last petition I needed to finish the entire job. I should have had a celebration, but to tell the truth, I’m going to miss that stack of paper when I take it downtown next week.

I am sure the next obsessive compulsive project will come along soon, but until then, I am just going to walk Daisy, wear closed-toe shoes, and dream of the day when we will be strolling on our very own shiny new sidewalks.

On the occasion of my mother's birthday

Today Frances would be 91 years old. She's been on my mind, and this story forced its way out of me.


No Easy Way Out

“Margaret, your mother called and she’s lost. She’s in a very dangerous part of town. You need to go get her.” There’s a moment when you face it, the realization that your parents will not live forever. For me, it was the phone call. This woman who had found her way into the city for thirty years to visit me had taken a wrong turn, and I could no longer ignore the signs of dementia. In that moment parent and child roles reversed. She needed a caretaker, and I was it.

I’m not unique in facing the issues of aging parents. I’m in the sandwich generation, baby boomers with aging parents, asking Dad to stop driving and Mom to move out of her house. Other cultures live with many generations under one roof, where caretaking of the parents is a natural progression. But in my world, our parents live independently until they face their failing abilities. And we must balance our instincts to protect them with maintaining their quality of life, which most often they define as aging in place.

Nothing was harder for me than the beginning. I didn’t want the job of caretaker. I would rather have continued my comfortable life, work centered and self absorbed. I didn’t want to spend my weekends driving to my hometown to check on Mom. So, I ignored the signs.

Among the first signs was her oblivion that she might have cardiac issues. I accidentally uncovered the problem when I took her to a wedding anniversary party, and she became winded and unable to continue a dance. Mother’s reaction was that she had already lived longer than any of her family. Longer than her father, her mother, her brother. She was content with 80 years, and I was not to worry about it. The next day when it happened again, I made the cardiologist appointment.

Of course the diagnosis was blocked arteries. I knew it would be. But then came the second-guessing on the cure. What was I thinking, considering surgery for an 80-year-old woman? She could die in the operating room. If she lived, what was ahead? She already showed signs of dementia, with an average life expectancy as an Alzheimer’s patient of eight years. I could see the future: mental deterioration and death, and likely a death more gruesome than cardiac arrest. And then there was my own moral conflict. A heart attack was such an easy out from something I didn’t want to face.

Objectively, though, she still enjoyed quality of life. She still lived alone and she was still physically strong. Shouldn’t I let her make the call?

I stepped back from playing God and asked Mother to decide, and she chose more of life, whatever it might bring. It was not an easy surgery, not an easy recovery, and certainly not a life-changing event that motivated her to change her diet and exercise more. But because she chose life, she saw her two great-grandchildren born, the second one on her 84th birthday.

Still, years later, I ponder the question of end of life interventions. Does a physician make a recommendation based on the cure without answering the question, “Should we do this?” Does he have an ethical choice? Is the answer easier when it is covered by insurance? Because we don’t pay the bill, we don’t ask. We’ll haggle over the price of cell phone service and never comparison shop our medical care. If my mother had been given a choice between a surgery that cost $50,000 and reallocating those funds for scholarships for her great-grandchildren, what would she have said? Should we replace one heart valve or feed 5000 hungry people?

The more I ponder, the more I hope never to make such a decision again. Who really knows what lies ahead? What mortal would we trust to make those quality of life judgment calls? In the end, I think when we choose life, we make the only choice we can.

I told you it was going to be a window

Today was pressure day. The window weighs 287 pounds. Translate that to NO WAY can I lift my half. Thank goodness for our friend Simone. He and Carl moved the window from the garage to the opening while I tensed up and posted myself to stabilize it if it fell. Yeah, right.

Then there was the two foot lift from the ground into the window. It was actually three inches at a time. Simone would lift one side and I would put another 2 x 4 under the window. Finally it was even with the opening, and then, miraculously, resting in the opening.

I thought the miracle was those two guys lifting the window without dropping it or getting hurt. Carl thought the miracle was that it fit. Simone was just generally amazed.

And I am in awe. Window heaven, created in seven days. As my friend Carol says, how wonderful to begin a new year by letting a little light in. Metaphoric, she said. I do agree. How fitting to begin 2010 with more light in my life.

Got dust?

This hole is my dream hole. I have been dreaming of a window in my dining room for years. Today it is a hole. Tomorrow, a window. Life is a dream.

Meanwhile, life is also very very dusty.

Most extensive use of gummy bears

This young lady really liked icing. Minimal use of graham crackers, lots of icing, and many many gummy bears.

So the other categories included: Green house, see those solar panels? Santa had a bit of one of those....

And best use of candy corn fencing....

And then there's my shared castle....which I think is the best in show....

Pink Pink Pink

 

My neighbor who is also named Margaret is a very active Pink Ribbons volunteer. We decided last year to make am auction quilt for the Pink Ribbons Society. It took a year for us to become inspired, but we finally did it.

I had never been a fan of the color Pink, but now I think i crave it. Pink is my new state of mind. Perhaps I have been too long in my pink bathroom, vintage 1957. Re-grouting my pink tile has been on my Outlook to do list for over two years. Re-grouting is a job you could put off forever, you know? Finally, the gaps between the tiles were becoming so large that I decided 2009 was going to be the year. In the process of cleaning out the old grout, several tiles came loose, the backboard began to crumble, and finally I had to empty the closet behind the tub so we (we = Carl) could repair the backboard from behind the tub. A few hours turned into weeks.

At one point, Carl told me I might have to buy a few tiles if he broke them cleaning them up. 1957 pink tiles? Who would have thought it? I discovered that pink retro tile is back. There is one tile company in California that makes the stuff. And did you know there are message boards out there on pink tiles? In addition to advice on how to decorate your pink bathroom, there many people offering up their pink tiles as they demo their baths, others seeking the discards of the demolishers. When it comes to Pink, either you love it or you hate it.

My pink tile tedium was saved only by the creativity of making a pink quilt simultaneously, but I have finally emerged from the grout business.

One more thing about grout. My neighbors, circa 1957 green tile, also decided to re-grout. They called in a crew this week who re-grouted two bathrooms in three hours for $500. So now I have a value on my work. Let's see, by the hour I made about.....never mind, I don't want to know.